Just in case my blog was too cheery...

Well if I've been giving anyone the impression that my life with my sweet babies was all sunshine and roses, I'll go ahead and tell you about today. 

It started with a bad night of sleep. Luke is five months old and I still haven't figured him out yet. If another mom judged herself based on her infants sleep, I'd tell her she was being silly. But it really makes me feel like a crappy mom when my baby isn't sleeping well. Can't I figure out his needs? Does he need to cry, be comforted, be fed more, be fed less, sleep on his tummy, have on more clothes or less, stay awake longer or be put to bed sooner, blah blah blah? Shouldn't a mom know this stuff? Just as soon as I think I've got him figured out and we have a few good days in a row, something like last night happens. So ya, that happened.

Sam has a snotty nose and isn't napping well. He's also a bit restless and asks to go outside or "bye bye in mamas car" all day. I feel bad that he's so clearly bored. Doesn't he know I have to devote my day to getting his baby brother to sleep? 

Luke napped like a rock star yesterday. Today, he's up after 20 minutes every time I lay him down. There's no getting him back to sleep. I even resorted to a "no reason comfort nurse", which worked while he was in my arms, but he woke up the second he was laid down. I decided I'd let him cry awhile, blow off steam. He NEEDS to sleep, and if that's the only way, so be it. Nope, he's one upped me again. Now he's just in there, awake, looking around. If I go get him, he's sure to turn into a fuss machine again. Sam just woke up, too. Annnnd cue Luke starting to cry. All while I have a sink full of dishes and half a batch of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies sitting waiting to be baked, that I haven't had time to finish. The ones that I have finished, aren't very good :/ Every task I've started today has been interrupted, and when I try to just forget it and focus on whichever kid did the interrupting, I somehow fail at that as well. 

I know my problems in life are small. I'm truly grateful for that. I'm just tired and grumpy today. I'll get over it.

Off to get crying baby. Wish me luck for the rest of the day. 

Luckiest mom in the world.

That's how I feel right now. Like I've won the mom lottery. 

Before having kids, I wasn't sure how well I'd like it. I mean, I knew I wanted babies, I knew I would love them and blah blah blah, but would I really enjoy the whole mom thing? We had made the decision that I would stay home with my kids. That meant I was starting a new job where the hours were 24/7 and there was no quitting or going back. Ever. 

Kind of scary. Would a life devoted to changing diapers and getting spit up on thrill me enough that I'd feel fulfilled and happy? No way to tell. 

Fast forward two years and another baby later, and I can honestly say I've never been more thrilled with a job. It's harder, easier, more challenging, more rewarding, simpler and more complicated than I imagined it would be, all at the same time. How is that possible? I don't know, but it's the best way I can describe it. 

At Luke's four month check up, the dr gave me the go ahead to try rice cereal for helping Luke's massive spit up problem. It's less of a medical problem (he's gaining weight and seems relatively unaffected by it) and more of a laundry problem, but it would still be nice if he didn't barf up buckets after every feeding. Anyway, I wasn't thrilled to start. That meant regular pumping (which I hate) and just one step closer to purées, then finger foods, and the whole nine yards. Couldn't my little baby just stay little? Regardless of my attitude, I decided to give it a shot today. So I waited for Sams nap, then pumped some milk and mixed up some cereal. I strapped Luke into the high chair (he looked so big) and got a mini spoonful ready. It occurred to me around this time to take a picture of his first bite (Sam has at least 25 pictures of his) so I grabbed my trusty iPhone. I held the spoon by his mouth and watched with amazement as he opened up and gulped it down. His little face was slightly confused, then happy. He liked it! I had almost forgotten how fun it was to watch them try food. I spent the next several minutes slowly spoon feeding my littlest love and taking it all in. His sweet baby coos, his little smile, the way he sort of swished it around in his mouth and smacked his little lips... This is what I get to do with my life. Watch my babies learn and grow. My heart is full! 

Kids lately.

Sam. 

He's turning into quite the little person. He has his own thoughts and his own ideas and his little mind works in its own little way. I'm so fascinated by his every move. Is that weird? I love looking at him to see how he'll react to things. He talks about his dad, his dads pick up, and his dads tractors all day long. It's adorable. He's such a boy. 

The other day, I was watching him not napping on the video monitor. He was in there sitting on his bed holding his moo cow talking about "mowing with dada." This is not an unusual occurrence. It usually lasts 10 minutes or so before he lays down and goes to sleep. He's a very good sleeper, I rarely have problems with it. Well, this day, he didn't stop. He stayed in there flipping around on his bed talking about going with dada in the poo-up (pick up) to see the corn and to ride the tractor. Omg. Who would have thought I'd ever have a farm kid?!? So I go in there, kind of annoyed, and say, "Sam, why aren't you sleeping?" 

To which he replies, "No seepin. I no like it. Eat cookies?" 

I let him get up. I did not let him eat cookies. 

Luke. 

The rate that this baby is growing is blowing my mind. It's so crazy how much they change in their first few months of life. He has left behind any and all newborn traits and is an official baby. He plays with (aka, shoves in mouth, violently) toys, rolls around, grabs his feet and coos the sweetest baby coos. I love to see his little eyes lock with mine, and watch his little brain click, "oh that's that mom lady!" His face lights up in the biggest, sweetest grin. It feels great to know he's that happy just to see me. His giggle. Ugh. Something about a little baby giggle just gets me.

The other night, we had a moment. One of those moments where my heart just explodes and I want to freeze it and lock it away forever. Luke was a bit fussy and demanding full attention. He was laying on a blanket and I was sitting right over him, talking to him to keep him happy. Sam came up behind me and wanted to "ride a neigh neigh". So Sam is on my back, piggy back style, and I'm sitting there still looking at Luke, bouncing and singing. Luke's eyes widened as he took in the situation, and then he focused in on Sam's laughing face, above my shoulder. He started laughing that glorious baby belly laugh. He got SUCH a kick out of Sam riding on my back. I, of course, continued bouncing and singing so I could prolong this sweet moment. I glanced at Mike to be sure he was watching. He was. I saw everything I was feeling plastered all over his face. It was so fun. A glimpse into their sibling relationship. A glimpse into a payoff for my hard work in keeping up with two babies only 20 months apart. 

I can't wait for more of those moments.